If I Could Be Reborn

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Hola mi nombre es Alondra y naci en Raleigh, NC. Mis padres son de Playa Vicente Veracruz, Mexico.

When I was still 4 years old, my mom decided to go back to her hometown because she was sick and she needed treatment that she couldn’t get in the USA.  I had to go as well. Playa Vicente is a beautiful place, there’s no doubt about it and the years that I spent there were awesome, even though it was like really tough I could still feel free.

My 5th birthday came, and some months later my mom disappeared completely from my sight. I still remember the little girl waking up to the sound of the crows, turning her head and finding out she was alone in bed, no mom to be found. She run desperately downstairs asking where was her mom. “She left you”…“You’re an orphan now!”…“Ya no te quiere” Those where some of the responses the lil’ girl heard. Tears streamed down her eyes, she couldn’t seem to smile, grandmother took her in her arms, in her room, and she became the little girl’s mom at noon. Sometime later my mom called, she was fine I was glad, but I was mad too. She was not my mother anymore, she was just my mom and nothing more.

The relationship between my mom continued through phone calls, money, and presents she would send clothing, toys, shoes, etc. I’ve always wondered if my mom thought that by sending all those material stuff she could get me to love her back. I believe that was her way of thinking. My dad was no different, he would also send me presents, he and I would only talk if I looked for him. My dad was a coward from the very start but I refused to believe it, because I was still hoping for things to get better. Sometimes parents make decisions for the better of their children that we cannot understand.

While growing up in Veracruz the relationship between my dad and I did not change, neither with his family. I miss him but the moment he turned his back on me I was done. A parent is not a parent without a child.

When I was in kindergarten I was a little demon, I would get in trouble almost all the time for hitting boys. My nickname became “La Computadora”, because I was the fastest in my class. Mi tiempo en la primaria pasó muy rápido. Recuerdo mi primer maestra, “La vieja canuta” en persona. Un ano antes de que terminara la primaria mi abuela descubrio que tenia cancer.

When I found out she had cancer and she was going to die I was very sad, desperate to keep her alive. I became angry, angry at the world, at my grandmother, at my mother, at God.

I was so horrified to lose her, to me she was more than a grandmother, she was my mother. She was the only one who could put up with me, she was a real friend! I loved her and will always do so, in my own way. One day around 2 in the morning I saw her agonizing, no longer complaining from the pain, slowly moving. She was just saying bye, bye to her love ones, to her children, bye to the pain and getting ready to welcome another world, entrusting herself to God!

I dropped my shell, uncovered my heart. I held in tears  while holding my grandmother’s trembling hands begging for forgiveness, begging her to stay with me . All she said was “Te amo! I love you. You’re not alone, todo estara bien. I kept crying, I couldn’t smile.

I came to the USA in 2013 and saw my mom again.When she saw me my whole world kind of  lost its purpose, I was very lost, I couldn’t make any words, or sounds. It all became mute. My mom ran towards me and hugged me tightly, She told me she  loved me, but I didn’t hug her back. It was hard. America was not what I remembered, the houses looked lonely, there were no kids outside. America was just not as beautiful as I remember.  

I started 7th grade, I learned English real fast, because I practiced on my own and studied at school. It was easy and hard. Since being back in the USA I have earned honor rolls all the time so I was very proud of myself. The problems at my house could never get involved with my academic performance at school. I always made sure to wear the mask I needed to survive. It got real tough in 8th grade,

Now I am in 10th grade. I have made new family at International High School at Largo. I know I can do it, and that I have people who support me more than I ever thought they would. My advice to you all is  that we do as Stephen Covey once said “SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD”. Differences are what divides us and what unite us, we just have to learn ways to embrace our differences and respect each other. Take any opportunity presented to you that doesn’t mean you have to rush and when you do take them, do not take them for granted, they can be your life changing decisions.

My dream is graduate college as a first generation student and  to become a successful latina author who is able to connect with people, travel to places and learn more about different cultures so I can have better understanding of the world and my life.My name is Alondra and I’m proudly Latina!

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