My 5th birthday came, and some months later my mom disappeared completely from my sight. I still remember the little girl waking up to the sound of the crows, turning her head and finding out she was alone in bed, no mom to be found. She run desperately downstairs asking where was her mom. “She left you”…“You’re an orphan now!”…“Ya no te quiere” Those where some of the responses the lil’ girl heard. Tears streamed down her eyes, she couldn’t seem to smile, grandmother took her in her arms, in her room, and she became the little girl’s mom at noon. Sometime later my mom called, she was fine I was glad, but I was mad too. She was not my mother anymore, she was just my mom and nothing more.
The relationship between my mom continued through phone calls, money, and presents she would send clothing, toys, shoes, etc. I’ve always wondered if my mom thought that by sending all those material stuff she could get me to love her back. I believe that was her way of thinking. My dad was no different, he would also send me presents, he and I would only talk if I looked for him. My dad was a coward from the very start but I refused to believe it, because I was still hoping for things to get better. Sometimes parents make decisions for the better of their children that we cannot understand.
While growing up in Veracruz the relationship between my dad and I did not change, neither with his family. I miss him but the moment he turned his back on me I was done. A parent is not a parent without a child.
When I was in kindergarten I was a little demon, I would get in trouble almost all the time for hitting boys. My nickname became “La Computadora”, because I was the fastest in my class. Mi tiempo en la primaria pasó muy rápido. Recuerdo mi primer maestra, “La vieja canuta” en persona. Un ano antes de que terminara la primaria mi abuela descubrio que tenia cancer.
When I found out she had cancer and she was going to die I was very sad, desperate to keep her alive. I became angry, angry at the world, at my grandmother, at my mother, at God.